My Wife is Funny.


I am chewing a bit of ham sandwich one day, which for some reason won't break up as it should and I have a puzzled look on my face. "What's the matter of Dom" asked my friend at the dart game. "I don't know" I said, "but this food won't chew as it should". I chewed a little longer, then I took the whitish mass of food out to look at it, but I couldn't recognize what it was. I then opened the sandwich to see  the contents. To my great surprise, I found three thin slices of ham and two pieces of waxed paper the same size as a ham between the bread slices. "Well, I'll be damned" I shouted in the din of the uproar around me. My wife had played another joke on me. About a week before we had an argument because I wanted her to make my lunch. She had made it three days in a row and I thought I had won. You can begin to see that I didn't win. Rose, my wife, had a good teacher for these practical jokes.


Her father was a shoemaker, not what we think of today, that is, a sole and heel repair man. He was truly a shoemaker; he made the entire shoe. One day he had an argument with his wife because she wouldn't sleep with him. So one day when his wife was out he put a gray scaly snake skin about 4 feet long and 3 inches in diameter in her bed. That night when his wife went to bed, there is a lot of noise intermixed with laughter just as it was at work during the dart game. Rose is very clever with jokes so I didn't let it bother me too much. I simply removed the wax paper and finished the sandwich. When I unwrapped the next sandwich, everyone around me was pushing and shoving for a good position to see the sandwich and me. When I finally lifted the top slice of bread, expecting to remove the wax paper, there was a roar of laughter that has only been matched at the movie, Erma la Douce. It was nothing but watermelon seeds laid between the bread. To this day, 14 years later, friends whom I see only occasionally tap me on the stomach and laughingly ask, "Dom, how are those watermelon seeds doing? Does your wife still make your lunch?"